Some people have described as a workaholic, I thought I was, and had been all of my working life. My workplace was a constant source of stimulation and I didn’t see or understand my patterns of intensity, compulsion and hyperfocus on tasks. I thought being a workaholic was a good thing, especially for my career. However, this led to bouts of bad mental health and burnouts several times over a long period in my previous employment, and being in a workplace that had a severe lack of empathy was a disaster waiting to happen. To be honest, being made redundant from that role was the best thing that could have happened, as it led me to my current role at.
I have very recently had a formal ADHD (Combined Type) diagnosis and now…. It is all starting to make sense. Looking at research into the links between workaholism and ADHD, I can see how the traits below link;
- I am ‘driven by a motor’ at work, constantly feeling compelled to do more. This is a symptom of hyperactivity.
- I find it difficult to regulate my attention, I can be hyper focused on a task and work beyond what is expected but then if the task is a more complex one. It can take me weeks to get into my stride with it, and with a deadline looming, the hyperfocus comes back to propel me forward.
- Perfectionism is also linked to ADHD, I find it extremely difficult to switch off work. This is also why tend to procrastinate a lot, putting work off if I worried I won’t do the task up to my usual standard.
- Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) may be the reason I am a people-pleaser, I tend to have difficulty saying no.
Despite the above issues, I have always still managed to do what is required of me, and above and beyond sometimes. I believe this is mainly because I am pretty self-aware and as I mentioned to the doctor who did the diagnosis, I have already unwittingly put steps in place to help myself. Such as meditating when I can (although I did always struggle with this), exercise, listening to hyperfocus playlists while working, keeping meetings as short as possible and breaking down more complex projects into much smaller, manageable chunks. Luckily for me, BuDS is super supportive in making the adjustments I need, even before they knew about this diagnosis, the support given to all is outstanding.
Of course, my undiagnosed ADHD had impact in other areas of my life too, such as;
- Doom scrolling! Yes, I can get a bit addicted to social media (as most people can), but I do find myself aimlessly going for my phone too much. I have managed this now with time limits on social media apps every day.
- Compulsive eating. I eat, and I feel happy. Getting a dopamine hit from a takeaway was an easy way to make my restlessness go away. Although it has had an effect on my waistline the older I get.
- Compulsive drinking. Luckily, I am able to control this and now only drink on special occasions. Which now doesn’t include ‘having a good day’, ‘having a bad day’, having a day…’
- Sleeping problems. This has been a big one all my life. I now put steps in place to ensure a better rest at night. I also now don’t berate myself for having the occasional lie in, thanks flexible working!
- Impulsive spending. Well, I won’t even tell you how many times I have spent money on new hobbies/diets/apps etc that are wasted on me as I lose interest as quickly as the impulsive arrived.
- Am I listening? I have a hard time paying attention to conversations sometimes, especially if the story is long, or if there is a lot of other noise in the room to distract me. My attention span can drift from one thing to another without warning and I do tend to zone out.
I wasn’t keen on the idea of taking medication for my ADHD but after speaking to the doctor about it, I was happy to give it a go to see what came of it. Even though I am now only 2 days into taking it, I am SHOCKED!
Within 2 hours of taking it in the morning, I felt calm. A feeling that doesn’t come about for me often and was surprising after taking what is essentially a stimulant! I did my usual routine and got on with the day, more calm and focused that I have been in a very long time, if ever! I feel like the 200 open tabs in my brain have been closed down (and the music from a random advert has even gone!)
I will be keeping a diary (when I remember to!) and will be reporting back into the doctor in 4 weeks’ time for a check-in. This is the start of a new journey for me, and thankfully it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am hoping that I will be moving forward with open eyes now and a better understanding of how my brain works.
Add comment
Comments